Smoking Anxiety and Optics Planet Holiday Gala

Yesterday was an interesting and challenging day for me. As I started my drive to work in the morning, on my THIRD day without a cigarette, I felt the anxiety welling up in me. We had the Optics Planet Holiday Gala to attend last night, and you will usually run into me outside with the smokers! It was like I couldn't figure out what I was going to do if I couldn't hang with peeps that I am used to hangin’ with. I called my punky’s phone and left him a message, just as every other morning while going to work, except this one had an anxiety freak alarm all over it! When Steven called me a bit later to leave me a message, as he always does, he talked me off the ledge and helped better prepare my mind for the NO SMOKING evening ahead.

My honey pie arrived home to pick me up for the party, with much encouragement and a positive attitude! As we were driving, I realized that this would be the first Optics Planet function that we have attended since Steven started his chemotherapy back in April. Then I started thinking how nice it is going to be to see so many people that I haven’t seen for a while. Also knowing that many of them already knew about my lung cancer diagnosis, and have already started praying for me brought a big smile to my heart and eased the anxiety. 

We arrived at Bristol Court Banquet Hall in Mount Prospect, IL to begin the evening of fun, food, and friends. As we worked our way from the coat check area into the banquet hall, we were greeted with huge smiles and encouraging hugs. We then decided on the table in the corner where a few friends were already staking claim. Then it was time to take the journey around the room and say hi to all the familiar faces and be introduced to the newer ones. I don’t recall a time when I have ever been hugged so much, and so meaningfully, encouraging, and tightly! I have known since my diagnosis that many people are praying for me, and want to do anything they can to help, but the knowledge can never replace the sincere sentiments and uplifting words or the feeling of being cared for deeply by many. Now that is truly priceless! My honey was glued to my side for support. He had decided earlier at home, that he would not be drinking this evening, which put me even more at ease.

The night was filled with a full spread of delicious food, good music, and lots of laughter, fun, and games. I don’t believe I mentioned the theme this year was “White Nights” and everyone was to wear white. The whole room was decorated in white and looked amazing. 

I didn't really participate too much in the fun and games this time, but I did raise my hand to pick a box, though I was clueless on what was going on! Now I know it was the “Vendor Mystery Briefcase” game. When Kayla called me to pick a box, I was tickled pink! I whispered in my honey’s ear, which box he thought I should pick and he said “Browning”. I probably shouldn't have bothered him, I already had my eye on the “Leatherman” box, and that was the one I chose.

Then I got to take it up on stage to open it…suspense….I won! I won a cash prize of $50.00! Whoooo hooo! Still don’t know how the whole game is/was played, but hey, I am fifty bucks richer and that works for me. 

We kind of snuck out earlier than normal, but it was already a full day for both of us, since it was a week night and we both worked yesterday. The drive home was nice, for 11:00pm on a Friday night. It hit Steven that neither of us had taken pictures. Not unusual for me not to think about it, but it surprised both of us that my punky didn’t. I quietly thanked God for the grace he provided to get me through without cigarette anxiety, and for the many people who care about me and are praying for me.

~John 14:27

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid”.

It's Time to Quit Smoking!

Merry Christmas, Everyone! Today is the last day of smoking cigarettes for this girl! I knew this day was coming the moment the ER Dr. mentioned the nodule on my lung back in September. As this information floated around in my head and I continued in prayer about my smoking situation, I was prompted back in October to set a date. My very humanness, wanting to have its own way and not stop smoking, procrastinated on setting the date until mid-November. After much prayer one night before sleeping, I woke up thinking of ~ 1 Corinthians 16:13. Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be Strong. The next thought I had was "you will quit on Christmas"!

I think I have every thing I need!

Today being Christmas and my final day of smoking, my mind keeps going to one of my favorite scriptures. ~Philippians 4:7. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Chris Jesus. I ask that everyone say a prayer for the strength I will need to endure the cravings, and the patience Steven will need to put up with me for the next several weeks.

My Christmas wish too!

Merry Christmas Eve! and My PET Scan

Merry Christmas Eve, Everyone! Our journey to Chicago this morning was a breeze, made it to the parking garage in 44 minutes. Steven beat my old best time of 47 minutes on Memorial Day, when I was taking him for his first of five in-patient chemo/radiation treatments. I had time for a cigarette, so I stepped out of the car to smoke, and my honey stayed warm in the car patiently waiting. Then it was time to head over to the DCAM building for the usual pit stops before the appointment. Wow, I still had time for another cigarette, so like an idiot, back out into the cold to smoke. Steven, smartly, patiently, waited in the warm waiting area for me. Boy I love that man!! I also know he is patiently counting the hours until my final cigarette on Christmas night when I go to bed.

Took the elevator down to radiology and got signed in about 7:55 am. My PET scan appointment was scheduled for 9:00 am, but they told me to be there an hour early. Now I know that extra hour was to be spent poking me with yet another IV needle, this time to pump some radiation into my blood stream. Now to sit STILL (no reading, Kindle, phone) and wait 80 minutes, well I took a nap!

I woke as the tech was getting ready to remove the IV. Then he began to explain to me “the good news is I won’t be radioactive all day, so I can be around other people, but they advised against small babies and pregnant women”. What the heck is that about? Well I wasn't going anywhere today anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Now entering the big, cold scanning room with the giant tube that I have become far too familiar with! I was smiling to myself, because I was smart enough to wear sweats and no bra so I didn't have to change into hospital garb. Another nice thing about University of Chicago is that they offer pre-warmed blankets, and I said, “Yes, please”! The PET scan was over in probably 20 minutes. This was the first time the machine was not barking breathing orders at me the whole time I was inside! The paperwork was already done, and this was our only appointment today, so we were free to leave!

The drive home was great, no backups or congestion! Traveling to Chicago for treatment would not be so bad if the roads and traffic were always like this. Oh, well. The next trip to Chicago is January 7, 2012 for Steven’s follow up appointments, and then my surgery on January 9, 2012.

I thank all of you for your support and prayers; they mean the world to us! I pray that all my friends and family have a most blessed Merry Christmas and most joyous of New Years! 

Finding Out I Have Cancer and Where I am Today.

Remembering how it all started back on September 19, 2012. I could not keep liquids of any kind down, or get out of bed. It was even painful to lay there or sleep. I had been miserably sick for over four days when I asked the love of my life to take me to the hospital. I packed my little black bag that I was so accustomed to carrying on trips to the hospital with my honey during his cancer illness. Just grabbed the important stuff; my ID and insurance card, the Kindle, head phones, E-cigarette & charger, and of course my regular cigarettes, etc. Steven proceeded to take me to Sherman Hospital in Elgin, IL, though he was still not feeling well following his successful cancer treatment! They plugged me into an IV and hooked me up to all the machines then gave me a shot of Zofran to settle my stomach, and a shot of morphine for the pain from throwing up and dry heaving. I had to drink a nasty mix of potassium before they continued to run every test known to man (or so I thought). The blood work first of course, followed by chest x-ray, EKG, ultra sound, CAT scan, and so on and on and on.

The room was finally quiet and I was resting very uncomfortably while Steven sat bedside reading his book. The ER Dr. sailed into the room announcing all my test were good EXCEPT on my chest x-ray where there was a nodule on my lung that I should look into.

(I might fill in all the craziness happening in between these times, but for now I just want to get everyone updated).

I am going to fast forward the story to Dec 3, 2012, my biopsy at University of Chicago with specialist Dr. Kyle Hogarth. He delivered my diagnosis of cancer on the lung. A rare strand usually found in NON-smoking women over the age of 65. I’m still scratching my head on that one. They are “cautiously optimistic” that it is not in the lymph node.

We were able to sit down with Dr. Michael Maitland MD, Ph.D, a medical oncologist on Dec 11, 2012. He started with my medical and family history and all the information they didn't have since I just popped in from the suburbs with no referral or anything. Then he explained that it should be operable, and depending on the biopsy after surgery I might not need chemotherapy! When we left we had an appointment to meet with a surgeon on Dec 21, 2012.

So yesterday was Friday, December 21^st. Our appointment was scheduled for 9:15 am with a pulmonary function test to follow at 10:15 am. They even threw in a 12:00 pm with Pre Op Anesthesia that I was not aware of until getting the fax confirming my appointments the night before. The big snow storm that was supposed to roll in on Thursday night didn’t happen, but it was still freezing and wet. So we decided to leave at 5:45 am, making room for any complications on this already 1-2 hour treacherous drive that we have become accustomed to. The drive was a bit nasty with the people who forget how to drive when a drop of snow occurs for the first time, but uneventful, thank God. We arrived at the parking garage approximately 7:00 am, so we had time to crawl in the back and take a nap, another thing we have become accustomed to during this year’s cancer treatments and visits for Steven. Alarm was set for 8:30 am, but my immediate need to use the bathroom came over me about 8:15 am, so we gathered our hospital gear and headed for the DCAM building. After relieving myself of my morning coffee and combing my hair, I met my punky pie in our usual spot. I still had time for a cigarette before my appointment, so I headed out into the cold (I’m such an idiot sometimes), while Steven smartly waited in the warm area by the coffee shop.

Arrived 5^th floor, module 5B, and was promptly checked in around 9:00 am. We went to sit in the waiting area. I had just pulled out the Kindle and Steven stepped away to the washroom, they were already calling me in back! I’m thinkin’ this is pretty cool, get in, get out, and get on with the rest of everything going on today.  She took me for my vitals and to go over my drug list, then put me in my room for the Dr. Suddenly I hear my love calling out my name, in his deep whisper voice…..I think everyone heard him, but he found meJ Steven pulled out his book, and me, the Kindle to pass the time.  Well, the darned time passed alright. It was 10:05 already,  and still no doctor. My pulmonary function test was in 10 minutes! My honey, always taking care of me, went out front to find out what the hey! Very last minute schedule change, go take the pulmonary function test and then come back, that way the doctor could view the results before going forward.

Ran over to module 5E.  Same floor so easy enough to make my 10:15am on time. The normal check in, and be seated in the waiting area. As my love flipped through pages of a magazine, I was sitting there thinking about my last pulmonary function test in November at the Pulmonary , Critical Care & Sleep Specialists back in Elgin, Il. It’s not a difficult test, but it takes blowing all your breath away! The tech came for us pretty quickly and took us back.

Got me hooked up right away, and I could even see the monitor screen this time, that was kind of encouraging. He explained everything as we went along, and I completed every test, and I am still breathing, so I’m taking that as a good thing! He finished the different tests in a timely fashion, and we were on our way back to the first appointment.

Arriving back at module 5B before 11:00 am, we were nodded to take a seat for just a moment. A tech showed up and took us back right away, and then we were back in the room to wait for the surgeon again.  Within a few minutes, we met with surgeon Wickii T. Vigneswaran MD, FACS. He went over all the different risks involved, and explained that it is planned to be a robotic surgery, but if for any reason that is not suitable at the time of surgery, he would have to cut me a bit further to get to it himself. We began to set the date for surgery, and I thought that was going to break out into an argument, but I bit my tongue. We were about decided on Jan 2^nd, when he realized I hadn't quit smoking yet, he demanded that I quit today. I told him, my plan is in place to quit on Christmas, and that is what I am sticking to. He continued to move the date to January 9, 2012, as he repeatedly told me to quit today, looking at me, knowing that I was not going to quit until Christmas! Ha! We also went over the different consent forms, reminding me they are a teaching hospital, and that my surgery could be observed by up to 6 students. I don’t have a problem with that…….

1. Having a doctor with enough experience to be an expert and a teacher work on me is an honor.

2. Everyone who wants to practice medicine needs to have the opportunity to get the experience in which to practice.

3. Why in the heck should I care, I will be asleep before they come in, and they won’t be standing over me in recovery.

Next and last on the list is the 12:00 pm Pre Op Anesthesia appointment on the 2^nd floor, module 2E. We hardly waited in the waiting area 5 minutes before being called back. We went over all current medications and the general questions before I would be put under. Both the doctor and her assistant were female. They were excellent in explaining their part in my surgery. It is up to them to stick a giant tube down my throat AFTER I fall asleep, while hooking up a few extra IV’s. It was in my understanding that it is also their job to support and keep my good lung breathing, while the other one is being worked on. They were professional and complete in all answers to questions and explanations. I would have asked for a business card, but they are some of the top quality professionals that have worked with me that I won’t be running into again.

Finally it was time for the journey home. I think that always gives us a sense of peace, as we look back on another day of completed doctor visits. While the drive home was congested, it always seems nicer traveling home bound at any time of day. Of course as we near our home we mention to each other “Tinker’s home”, and smile as we pull into the driveway.

Next appointment before surgery is Christmas Eve. We get to spend the morning of December 24^th getting my full body PET scan. Oh boy! I can hardly wait (I say facetiously)!